my journey – part 1

I often wonder
what color were his eyes.

Were they blue, the steel cold blue that pierces to your very heart and cuts your soul,
for I believe that Jesus can look through, and cut my heart and pierce my soul.

Were they brown, the light brown that whispers “I am with you always, to the close of the age.”
for I have a friend in Jesus, who is with me always.

Were they green, the green like emeralds that dances and sparkles with joy and love,
for I see joy in the eyes of Jesus, and I see love in his gaze.

Were they those deep blue eyes, vast as the sea, eyes that show pity and compassion,
for I see compassion in his eyes, and I see pity when he looks at me.

Were they those dark eyes, the brown almost black eyes that you can stare into and they seem to go on forever, those eyes that have a pain and sadness about them that can equal no other,
for I think he must feel pain, and must have sadness when I fall time and time again.

They say you can tell a lot about someone by their eyes.

i can still look into the eyes of the people i had in mind when writing this as a freshman in college. the question is less literal and more figurative, of course. the eyes of Jesus were no doubt brown, but none the less i still wonder sometimes the amount of feeling they conveyed. i somehow believe that Jesus could communicate massive amounts of feeling and emotion with his eyes, and sometimes i try to find Christ in the eyes of others. to think of the range of emotions in the eye of Christ is a wonderful thing – joy to sorrow to pain to anger… to me the eyes of Christ bring a humanity to him that we don’t often consider – that this Jesus is not only king and lord, but human – the one who is with us and touches us.

may you look today into the eyes of Christ as you look into the eyes of others, and find in them a piece of God.

my journey – introduction…

sometimes it’s interesting to go back and look at where you’ve come from, and see where you’re going. in that spirit, for those of you who don’t know me, i thought i would share a bit from what has become, as much as anything, a journal of my spirit. some of you may have read these things here and there over the past years in various journals i’ve put together or on my website, but i thought i would take a few days and present some of them in a chronological order – some of the ones that i would say were influential in my thinking, as well as some others that perhaps everyone is less familar with. i’ll try to throw in some comments along the way to make it interesting.

guilt or love

ran across an old notebook of mine last night… perhaps it’s safe to post this now 😉

there must be a point in our walk where we move from a motivation of guilt to a motivation of lvoe. is there anger in the eyes of Jesus? i think not. sorrw, yes. disappointment? probably.

if Jesus remains only the God who makes us feel guilty then we will never truly be able to draw near to Him and know Him in the fullness that He wants to know us. If Jesus only runs a constant audit of our lives and is there only to beat us down and make us feel bad when we step out of line then He is not our redeemer – he is our judge.

the forgiveness of Christ is complete. Jesus did not teach in the negative, but in the positive. He did not say “Don’t do unto others what you don’t want them to do to you”, but rather “do unto others what you would have them do unto you.”

I feel such sorrow for those who have such a dark view of Jesus. For Jesus is like a mentor. I don’t want to disappoint my earthly mentor because I respect and love him, not because I fear him. He isn’t constantly looking over me and waiting to stricke me down. He’s constantly looking over me and waiting to pick me up. He doesn’t refuse me when I wrong him, but He seeks to teach me his ways. How sad not to know the love of Jesus, but only to know of the lofe of Jesus.

the master gives himself up

i was reading through the tao tonight and ran across one of my favorite sections…

the master gives himself up
to whatever the moment brings.
he knows that he is going to die,
he he has nothing left to hold on to:
no illusions in his mind,
no resistances in his body.
he does not think about his actions;
they flow from the core of his being.
he holds nothing back from life;
therefore he is ready for death,
as a man is ready for sleep
after a good day’s work.

to be thankful

as we come to the close of a day where we ostensibly set aside time in order to reflect on the myriad of things we have to be thankful for, it seems fitting to, along with other bloggers all across america, take a moment to enumerate a few things for which i am thankful.

the difficult part in making a list like this is not coming up with a list of things that you can be thankful for, but really in figuring out where to start. despite what we learn on hgtv and tlc, we are all blessed in thousands of ways, living in luxury unimaginable to kings of 500 years ago. we so often take for granted the small conveniences of life – climate control, hot showers, the ability to turn a light on in the dark, water you can drink out of the tap – only dreams to the richest of people not so long ago. we’ve become numb to the lies of our culture, a continual barrage of media telling us our lives aren’t complete.

in contrast to that message is reality.

tonight i go to sleep after eating two fantastic meals, with more left-over food in my refrigerator than i can possibly eat in the next 4 days. 814,600,000 people will go to bed undernourished.

i can read and write, something 18% of the world cannot do.

though outdated now, the computer i am typing on cost 1,500 dollars, 25% higher than the world’s estimated median income. my ipod cost 1o% more than the 271 dollar per-capita income in kenya.

when i graduate with my ph.d., i will be more educated than 99% of the world – in fact more educated than 99% of america. by contrast 41,000,000 people in america over the age of 18 don’t have a high school degree. 944,000 have no formal education.

i could go on all night with numbers and statistics. statistics lie, but the stories behind them are real. each one of those numbers represents countless mothers, fathers, children who will go to bed tonight in need – some without the basic necessities of life.

but perhaps most of all, i am thankful for something i do not have – despair. while thousands of people lie awake tonight questioning the purpose of their lives, or sit at a bar stool waiting for the next round, or sleep fearful of the future, i go to sleep tonight hopeful – hopeful that tomorrow will be a better day, that together we will craft a better world, one day at a time.

may you give thanks

may you give thanks,
both in times of blessing
and hardship.

may you see the hand of God
working in your life in all you do.

may you know
that the sun and rain
fall
both on the wicked and the good,
and that God is the giver
of every good and perfect gift.

may you stop
to consider
not only
your desires that remain
but your desires fulfilled,

and may you know
that you are blessed,
no matter where you find yourself.

the state of food insecurity in the world

for those who are interested here is a link to a report released by the UN Food and Agriculture Organization today which states that approximately 6,000,000 children a year (approximately the entire pre-school population of Japan) die each year as a result of conditions brought about by malnutrition. the study states that the shortage of vitamins A and zinc alone result in approximately 1,500,000 deaths annually – approximately equal to the number of abortions performed in the united states each year.

definitely worth the read.

those are somebody’s kids too…

i watched a west wing episode last night that had a rather poignant moment. i promise this blog isn’t turning into something political, but i wanted to share it. the discussion is taking place concerning sending troops to prevent genocide in a small african country.

c.j.
Stand by while atrocities are taking place, and you’re an accomplice.

toby
I’m not indifferent to that, but knuckleheaded self-destruction is never going to burn itself out. You really want to send your kids across the street into the fire?

c.j.
Want to? No. Should I? Yes!

toby
Why? And don’t give me a lefty answer.

c.j.
A lefty answer is all I’ve got.

toby
Why are you sending your kids across the street?

c.j.
Because those are somebody’s kids too.