I wonder what Judas was thinking.

Did he know his betrayal would lead to death?
Did he know at the beginning the final result of his road?
Did he think the authorities would flog Jesus,
just to get him back into line a little bit,
and then release him?

Could he have ever truly grasped the depth of the role he would play in God’s eternal plan?

Part of me thinks the betrayal of Judas wasn’t quite so sinister as we often believe.
Part of me wants to think that Judas thought it wouldn’t be “that bad”.

But at the core I am troubled
because my betrayal of Jesus
sometimes seems very innocent.

When I betray him
it doesn’t seem “that bad.”

And I wonder
if that’s what
Judas thought too.

the body of Christ

“the body of Christ, broken for you.”
“the blood of Christ, shed for you.”

Such old, simple words;
yet words that convey a depth of meaning and personality to a sacrament as old as Jesus himself.

And each week we take comfort
in a body broken
a blood shed
for me
and for you
for each and every person
who would come forth
and receive it.

do you love me?

a wonderful scene from Fiddler on the Roof between Tevye and Golde his wife:

“Do you love me?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you love me?”

“You’re a fool.”

“I know. But do you love me?”

“Do I love you? For twenty-five years I’ve washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house given you children, milked the cow after twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?”

“Golde, the first time I met you was on our wedding day. I was scared”

“I was shy.”

“I was nervous.”

“So was I.”

“But my father and my mother said we’d learn to love each other and now I’m asking, Golde:
Do you love me?”

“I’m your wife.”

“I know.
But do you love me?”

“Do I love him?
For twenty-five years I’ve lived with him fought him, starved with him twenty-five years my bed is his if that’s not love, what is?”

“Then you love me?”

“I suppose I do.”

“And I suppose I love you too.”

“It doesn’t change a thing, but even so, after twenty-five years it’s nice to know.”



sometimes we’re quick to write people off, to say thay’re beyond help and hope. we disregard the good they’ve done and say that because of some mistake or sin they are no longer useful or worth being saved.

how unlike Jesus.

the great Gospel message – the Good News that is for all people – is that no one is beyond redemption.

and when people stumble
and when people fall
like Jesus
are called to be in the business
of redemption.


i fear appeasement is a dangerous road. it is not unity, but merely the appearance of it. there is no more unity after today than before. we must take care, lest we find ourselves unified around an empty nothing.


“As we enter into this week, I pray that you would contemplate with me the nature of Christ – the one who allows such betrayal, who opens himself to such betrayal and somehow manifests love in the most trying of circumstances. I know that’s easy for us to talk about, and it’s really hard when we’re in the trenches trying to love people who seem unlovable, whose words and actions cut to the very core of who we are – it’s the hardest time to love. Yet as we read the scriptures – especially as we walk toward the cross this week – it seems to define the essence of Christianity in so many ways.”

-Chris Seay (3/20/2005) listen here

would anyone really notice?

If we weren’t here
would anyone really notice?

If our city set on a hill became overgrown with trees and vines, would it change the way people thought in the valley?

Is the measure of our effectiveness
bodies in pews
successful programs
comfortable budgets?

Or do we measure success
one person at a time?

If we weren’t here,
would anyone really notice?

Would they feel a bit less condemned
a little more respected?

If we weren’t here
would people miss
our television preachers?
our moral majority?

Is it possible that people be able to see God a little more clearly
if it weren’t for his followers?

Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.

walk by the light we have

a quick thought inspired by this morning’s class:

we all walk by the light we have.

very profound when you think of it. perhaps there will be more expounding later.

for now there is bed.

a little bit of human in every one of us

It was wonderful to watch them put aside the suspicions and fears they carry with them so often and just have fun being kids. It was a good reminder that there is at least a little bit of human in every one of us, and sometimes the conditions just have to be right before it comes out. As I look at these guys, I see lives that have been dehumanized so much – forced into situations where the good that is inside of them is repressed and forced into some dark corner, only to be let out at rare intervals. But as I’ve told so many people on the outside who ask, I think that these kids desperately wantnothing more than to be kids. – to be accepted, to be human.

In ways, it’s nothing more than any of us want. We all want to be accepted ant to be able to be ourselves. We all, I think, find joy in service, and in having fun. I think that a lot of us enjoy casting aside the cares of the world for a while. I think that the difference between them and us is that we are able to do it so much more often. These guys have such a deep desire to be accepted and appreciated that I think they would give up anything for it, if indeed they had anything to give.

nairobi, kenya
28 July 2001

o fortuna

o fortuna
velut luna
statu variabilis,
semper crescis
aut decrescis;

o fortune
like the moon
you are changeable,
ever waxing
and waning;

from carmina burana